I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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