my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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