she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
