@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
