I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
