omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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