I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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