My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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