filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
