I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
