so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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