so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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