I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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