im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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