your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
