She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
