Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
True but thats because hes a fetus.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
