Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
