I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
