Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
