i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
