i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
