Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
