WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
