I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
