It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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