I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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