I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
