He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
