Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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