i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
