i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
