sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
