what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
