you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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