why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
