So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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