Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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