I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
