i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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