Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
