she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
