And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
