dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
