Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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