FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
