I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
