Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
