I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
