just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
