ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
