Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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