I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
