I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
